August 2010

how early is it too early to write an autobiography? for some strange and bizarre and nondrug-related reason, i am inspired to start writing about my life. is my life inspiring? probably not. is it occasionally tragic? yes. is it a big joke most of the time? yes.

i want to start on my autobiography right now before i start losing my memories to old age or loss of brain cells due to alcohol/other drug consumption. is it going to be completed any time soon? no. why? 1. i am a huge procrastinator; 2. i am OCD and probably have to edit and re-edit this shit 501837134 times; 3. i am not going to release this epic shit until i am rich and famous. when i am rich and famous and successful etc etc etc, people would naturally want to read about me, right? hahahahah. and then by that time it does not matter what i say in my autobiography because people will either a) love the shit out of it, b) hate it, or c) be confused by it. if option b happens, it is ok. because i am so rich that i will take any lawsuit that flies my way. or have a publicist to silence these protests. or secretly hire a sniper to snuff out the annoying people bringing down the 5-star rating of my autobiography.

i wish i could tell you that you can pre-order my autobiography on amazon right now but it’s gonna be some super classified information (with occasional leaks that will increase publicity) for now.


i have been reading my old blogs (!) and although it was partly traumatizing, it was also nostalgic and strangely reinvigorating. i used to blog with much more abandon and carelessness than i do now. because when i used to blog, it was more of an outlet to talk to myself but here i feel compelled to present appropriately to an audience. the irony in it is that a lot more people used to stalk me than they do now, now that i have fallen into obscurity.

tried out native foods at westwood the other day for the first time. the oklahoma bacon cheeseburger was bombbb. sorry, i ate it and it was a good three days before i remembered i should have taken a picture of it. my greediness precedes my desire to be a food blogger. also gobbled down a vegan sprinkles red velvet cupcake before dinner. dessert before dinner, just the way it was meant to be.

i remember a few years ago when a few of us innocent girls ventured into a sex shop in lucky plaza at orchard road, singapore, with great intention and determination of finding the perfect birthday gift for a lovely friend of ours. it is with pleasure and pride that i tell you, our present was indeed appropriate and has not been banished to the attic or store room where useless or unwanted material things are kept. it was with this same great intention and determination that i stepped into the pleasure chest (with another girl friend), located on a busy road in hollywood but kept discreet with its lack of windows and tacky signs. because i am all-knowing with awesome intuition, again another friend walked away with a purchase that i know was worthy and kept up to its claims. i feel like such an accomplished friend.

my time in singapore was great, and now i am back in the smoggy city of LA.